So I’m reading this book The Sparrow written by Mary Doria Russell. The main character is a priest named Emilio Sandoz. He makes friends with an older couple, Anne and George, who are agnostic. They and others make a trip to a planet where life is detected.
Another priest, Alan, has already died on the new-found planet and two other crew members are missing. The below is a portion of dialogue between the priest, Emilio, and the agnostic, Anne, as they sort through the missing of the two crew members:
“D.W. will never forgive himself if anything’s happened to those two.”
“They’ll be back.”
“What makes you so certain, hotshot?”
He spoke from his heart and from Deuteronomy. “ ‘You have seen with your own eyes what the Lord your God has done.’ ”
“I’ve seen what human beings can do--”
“You’ve seen what,” Emilio conceded, “but not why! That’s where God is, Anne. In the why of it—in the meaning.” He looked at Anne and understood the skepticism and the doubt. There had been so much joy, such a flowering within him… “All right,” he said, “try this: the poetry is in the why.”
“And if Sofia and Marc are lying in a heap of wreckages right now?” Anne demanded. “Where would God’s poetry be then? Where was the poetry in Alan’s death, Emilio?”
“God knows,” he said, and there was in his tone both an admission of defeat and a statement of faith.
“See, that’s where it falls apart for me!” Anne cried. “What sticks in my throat is that God gets the credit but never the blame. I just can’t swallow that kind of theological candy. Either God’s in charge or He’s not. What did you do when the babies died, Emilio?”
“I cried,” he admitted. “I think sometimes that God needs us to cry His tears.” There was a long silence. “And I tried to understand.”
“And now? Do you understand?” There was, almost, a note of pleading in her voice. If he told her he did, she’d have believed him. Anne wished that someone could explain this to her and if anyone she knew could understand such things, it might be Emilio Sandoz. “Can you find any poetry in babies dying now?”
“No,” he said at last.
-----------------------------------
The baby across from Ira's room died last night.
Another priest, Alan, has already died on the new-found planet and two other crew members are missing. The below is a portion of dialogue between the priest, Emilio, and the agnostic, Anne, as they sort through the missing of the two crew members:
“D.W. will never forgive himself if anything’s happened to those two.”
“They’ll be back.”
“What makes you so certain, hotshot?”
He spoke from his heart and from Deuteronomy. “ ‘You have seen with your own eyes what the Lord your God has done.’ ”
“I’ve seen what human beings can do--”
“You’ve seen what,” Emilio conceded, “but not why! That’s where God is, Anne. In the why of it—in the meaning.” He looked at Anne and understood the skepticism and the doubt. There had been so much joy, such a flowering within him… “All right,” he said, “try this: the poetry is in the why.”
“And if Sofia and Marc are lying in a heap of wreckages right now?” Anne demanded. “Where would God’s poetry be then? Where was the poetry in Alan’s death, Emilio?”
“God knows,” he said, and there was in his tone both an admission of defeat and a statement of faith.
“See, that’s where it falls apart for me!” Anne cried. “What sticks in my throat is that God gets the credit but never the blame. I just can’t swallow that kind of theological candy. Either God’s in charge or He’s not. What did you do when the babies died, Emilio?”
“I cried,” he admitted. “I think sometimes that God needs us to cry His tears.” There was a long silence. “And I tried to understand.”
“And now? Do you understand?” There was, almost, a note of pleading in her voice. If he told her he did, she’d have believed him. Anne wished that someone could explain this to her and if anyone she knew could understand such things, it might be Emilio Sandoz. “Can you find any poetry in babies dying now?”
“No,” he said at last.
-----------------------------------
The baby across from Ira's room died last night.
posted by jch at
9:28 PM
14 Comments:
"If he told her he did [understand], she'd have believed him." How tempting it must have been for the priest to go ahead and claim assurance, for her sake, even if he didn't feel it, because he knew she (like everyone else) wants there to be an explanation. And yet he is honest--with Anne, with himself, and with God.
Thanks for refusing to hand out theological candy.
Please pass on (if it's appropriate) my shared sorrow to those who are weeping God's tears over this baby.
My prayers will be with the family of the baby who died. I don't know the answer to the question of why. All I know is that God's the only hope we have, despite what we don't understand. My hope is built on God knowing more than we do, and my hope is that this baby is rejoicing in heaven with the Creator, experiencing more happiness at seeing the Father than we can ever conceive of experiencing here on earth. And my hope is built on God mourning with the parents of this baby, wrapping His protective arms around them. I don't know how strongly I believe this, but I hope.
Regina
Joe, yesterday my patient's baby went to the NICU and seemed to be struggling. I always get attached to "my" babies and don't rest well until they have turned the corner. But yesterday was different for me....I walked into the NICU with my struggling baby and immediately my mind went to all of you and the NICU there in NYC. I prayed for you in our NICU and wondered how you were at that very moment.
grace, Julie
Sounds like a good book; I'll try to find it. Maybe it will provide answers to help our hurting hearts. In the meantime, we'll have to turn to God and to His Word and His promise never to leave or forsake us. Blessings to you on your long journey. Thanks to your blog and your sharing, we all feel very close to you. May you be comforted, strengthened, and edified. Our thoughts and prayers remain with you always.
Love from Jean M. in Seminole, TX
I remember before precious Ira was born and the uncetainty of things to come. I remember praying for you and for Ira and for the doctors. I remember the doubt in peoples minds and the speculation from medical staff. I can't imagine being asked to walk in your shoes as a father of two myself, but I can say this...that baby across the hall is not Ira. You have battled the entire way from when you first found out little Ira needed special attention to now traveling to and from the hospital sharing time with Laura. I'd say God is working miracles as I type in baby Ira's life and in your life. He's answered prayers, He's been by your side, He's been there through the support of so many others who love and care for you and send you their support if only through this format. Joe...you were a strong Christian man going into this and you have remained a strong Christian man. Don't let satan "poof" it out...I'm going to let it shine. We continue to pray for little Ira and for you and your family. I'm so thankfull to be praying for your precious son after all he's been through, God must definitley have a plan.
Allen, TX
Maybe the baby who died is experiencing more joy at seeing the Father than the joy the baby would have given his parents had he lived. And after all, would not we as parents choose our own child's happiness over our own?
I wonder if one could take any comfort from this...
I don't know what to say, friend...except that I've been asking these questions for the past decade and continue to come up with the same response as Emilio's...I cannot make any sense of children suffering or being stolen away by death. I don't suppose I will ever understand.
But fortunately, God can handle my pleading, my questions, my doubts, my anger. We all know how much the Lord loved David...and David questioned him all the time..."O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!"
God can handle it. He loves the Hays family. We do too.
I ask why many times, and even question why pray when it doesn't seem to do any good.
My sister, who is dealing with many terrible injustices of my understanding of a "Christian" life, told me recently she depends on God everyday.She said he has to take care of it as he is the only one that can.
And even through the doubt, I ask, I pray and I trust God will, in time, "fix" all the wrongs.
In the meantime, I know that the world keeps spinning, the devil has a foothold trying to unravel the good, keep asking "why" even when I remain in the dark knowing life is not fair. I hang on to the fact that God will be there to lift me up and take me home! My understanding may never surpass the question state, but I can ask and I can "feel" angry that I don't understand. But......I must never leave my God because he is the only one that can fix all this.
I've been told:
Rule #1 Life is not fair
Rule #2 Pain hurts
Rule #3 Life is too important to take seriously
My prayers are rising to the Father of all grace to give abundant comfort to the family across the hall and to your family as well.
Peggy in Texas
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Becky for your candid comments. It scares me that people in desperate situations are "comforted" with words such as what Anonymous wrote at 7:13 a.m. What was written by that person is exactly the theological candy that the character, Anne, talks of.
We are so in need of a theological makeover! I wonder if Ty would be willing to do the makeover for us?
Joe and others,
If you're going to read The Sparrow, make sure to go with Russell into the sequel, Children of God. It's not quite as good but it's Important. peace -- Katie
Is there no truth or comfort from 7:13anon? Some questions to ponder, but before, no i have not lost a child in my arms. No, i have not had to make the decision to remove life support. No, I'm not right. But yes, I have experienced the loss of loved ones in my life, wanting their earthly bodies back to hug.
What was Mary's reaction to the death of her son? Did she understand it? Did she want him back? Have you pondered the scene not only watching someone die on a cross by lack of air, but that someone being your child? I can see what ANON was saying, however maybe sometimes giving 'comfort advice' during the trial, is like drying off with a towel in the swimming pool. It may not work the way its designed.
We had a guest speaker last night at church, that showed us some clips from the movie, Finding Neverland. I wont go into too many details, but it was about the creator of PeterPan. And Peter, the boy in the story, lost his mother. And he asked, 'why did she have to die?'. And the first thing that I thought of, as if he were asking me the question, was "I dont know, but I am glad she lived."
We are all dealing with these storms of life in our own way. Just because my way is how I'm dealing with it, doesnt make your way wrong. Grief is ugly, hard and really has no instruction book. Let us hold together, in love and be there for each other. I sure with Christ was here right now, so he could explain some of his mysteries. I wish Christ was here to show us his plan. I wish Christ was here to hold us, to comfort us, to pray with us, to heal us. This healing is not always physical, but lately its been spiritual healing I'm in need of. Soulful healing. To break the layers of staleness on my heart, and keep it from becoming hardened to His arms of love.
Hays, I hurt because you hurt, and I can't feel it as you do. I want to be there with you as you pick up Ira, and sing to him and give him your love. I am running to the throne of God, much like Esther did, uninvited, and unsure of how he will respond. But trusting in the name of Jesus, His plan will be Good. - s.eller
Seconding Katie's advice--and Joe, if you need a copy of Children of God, I'm happy to lend it (despite Shakespeare's sage admonition).
I agree with sirEller, I had two babies died in my arm and now have an autistic kid, what can I do but to trust in my God that no matter how environment, chemicals,etc impact our world still God is in complete control and nothing happens by accident. I have to find confort in the fact that my God loves me and his decision for my life and my children are what is best otherwise I will be desperate and with no hope. No matter how each of us deal with pain, it is fine with God and he will confort us depending on our needs. Love
Jackie
How thankful I am for this kind of conversation and for the courage and faith of this site's author.
My 36 years on planet earth and among people of faith are teaching me that the dialogue between 7:13anonymous and BeckyC is probably nothing that theological renewal would change. It has more to do with how to use theology in the context of human stories.
My reading of 7:13anonymous is someone who sincerely and (I would say) somewhat tentatively holds out the hope of resurrection. BeckyC, in a just and kind way, points out the existential irrelevance of this proposition at the point of the loss.
It seems to me that good theology can still be bad, depending on one's awareness of theology's limits and human limits. If God has indicated the final poetic answer to all of the world's injustice, suffering, and sorrow by taking on flesh, dying on the cross, and revealing the beginnings of a New Creation in his Resurrection, this does not mean that we humans, wrenched by death's cruelty, will necessarily be able to hear or receive this Good News. From a human perspective it's too remote from our present anguish. Nor does it mean that we will be able to adequately convey God's answer or speak his poetry, though how could we preach if we didn't dare to try?
Far from being 'theological candy' the suggestion and question of 7:13anonymous are quite profound, pointing as they do to the selfless Love and eternal Joy that are at the heart of Christian faith.
But faith comes by hearing, and as BeckyC reminds, there are times when we can't hear. And these are times when words and theology (however 'good' it may be) are useless. I'm not saying there aren't some people who need to to start completely over theologically, but I'm not convinced that 7:13anonymous is one of them (as her substantial agreement with BeckyC on key points indicates).
I think what BeckyC offers is a powerful reminder that we all need to learn the appropriate use of what theology we have and that sometimes it's better to keep it to ourselves and have the faith, humility, and common sense to be present without words.
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