My (Laura) thoughts on the train this morning...
Why do you let your hand slip when forming some babies in the womb?
They are not perfectly made and thus enter a life of suffering - one that is no fault of their own.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Why do you allow the wind and waves, fire and rain to cause such devastation?
Do they not listen to you? So much death, so many tears.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Why do you let cancer consume the bodies of those you love?
Day and night they fight to live while those around them are forced to wait and wonder.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Where is the hope and future you have promised for these, O God?
The only thing I know to do is trust in your name with all of my heart.
I shall not rely on what I understand for I do not understand. I do not understand.
Why do you let your hand slip when forming some babies in the womb?
They are not perfectly made and thus enter a life of suffering - one that is no fault of their own.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Why do you allow the wind and waves, fire and rain to cause such devastation?
Do they not listen to you? So much death, so many tears.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Why do you let cancer consume the bodies of those you love?
Day and night they fight to live while those around them are forced to wait and wonder.
I do not understand. I do not understand.
Where is the hope and future you have promised for these, O God?
The only thing I know to do is trust in your name with all of my heart.
I shall not rely on what I understand for I do not understand. I do not understand.
posted by jch at
1:15 PM
28 Comments:
Laura,
Mike and I have asked(sometimes shouting, sometimes crying) so many of those same questions...We have begged to make things different than they are not even caring at times about what may be His purpose for our suffering and our son's. With much humility, it is come to our understanding that once upon a time there was a Garden of Eden and only through our own choice did we allow suffering to come to pass. Yes, the rain falls on both the good and bad. I hate that. I have told God just this week that there is no glory in this for us Lord so we can only suffer this for you. Please let this hurt have a purpose greater than what we understand it to be at present. Sam now says "mama" and "dada". We waited three and a half years for that. In all of your sadness, do not lose hope. We must hold onto something...We love you. Melissa
If you truly trust in the Lord, you need to understand he has a reason and a plan for everything. Constantly questioning His every move is unfair and your bitterness makes me sad. Why have your never mentioned Satan.....does he not have a say in what goes on? Remember Job. Did God make him suffer or did He allow Satan to test him? This may sound the same to some but to me it's different since God does not CAUSE pain but He does allow Satan to test us. Be careful, as Job's wife encouraged him to curse God and Job never once did. I urge to to read the book of Job again, especially the last verse in chapter one. It may help you not to spend your time being angry at God. I hurt for what you are going through but stay strong, not only for your family but for those who are watching how you handle this desperate situation.
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Laura and Joe,
I read your comments today and also the comments written to you. They were all good. Rick Atchley has just finished a sermon series on heaven that I think would help you both. It's has been eye-opening to so many at our church. You can listen online at rhchurch.org and go to sermons online. This journey is so very hard right now but know that God works wonders through suffering. Romans 8:18-31 are such a comfort, knowing that God will never leave us or forsake us and that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
I don't think I will ever understand this side of heaven how death, disease, sickness, and suffering work in some sort of "cosmic goodness" plan. It seems to me that God makes himself known in numerous other ways without the witness of the suffering of those who call on his name. I believe Jesus provides a window into the charecter of God in how he feels when his precious creation suffers. John 11:33 and 35 "33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled....35Jesus wept." I take comfort in Jesus being troubled at the grief of his friends. I don't believe he was troubled by anyone's lack of faith but rather he shared in their grief and he felt their pain.
Laura, your words speak what I say to myself when I stood at Ira's bedside three weeks ago, and when I read the news about Darfur and other places of horror on the this earth. Your words speak what others say as they sit at the bedsides of those who are ill or dying. And your words speak to the ultimate human condition of powerlessness.
Your faith and commitment is inspiring to many, which I know is the last position you wish to be in right now. Thank you for your integrity.
Much love to you.
Laura, please feel this cyber hug that I'm sending you, and listen closely: it's OKAY to not understand. You're doing exactly what God asks of you! Proverbs 3 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him...."
That's EXACTLY what you're doing. My heart goes out to you, and my prayers go up to Him. I don't understand, either.
Love from Fort Worth,
Stacy
I'm angry tonight. I'm angry that some anonymous person would chastise my wife for being what this person considered "unfair" and "bitter". I'm angry that this person's theology allows him/herself to believe that Satan might have had a hand in creating our son. I'm angry that this person insinuated that people's faith is dependant on how Laura deals with all this.
I understand that our honesty through this blog may unsettle some of you who think steadfastness means that we never question God. I understand that some of our thoughts are disconcerting for those of you who have never had to struggle in such an intense way but I beg of you, plead with you to keep your unsettled feelings and disconcerting notions to yourself. You are simply not helpful.
Laura,
I want to start by saying just how much I love you, Joe, Sophia, and Ira. It hurts so many of us to see the things that this beautiful little baby is having to undergo, but we are also grateful for his strength and endurance! He is a wonderful miracle baby boy who is already a reflection of his mom and dad.
Thank you for sharing the frustration and lack of understanding that you are feeling. I truly believe that God expects us to question things sometimes... it is in this questioning that our faith is made stronger. Your lack of understanding, but complete willingness to hand this over to God is a testament to your faith! It is hard for me to believe that God ever intended for us to understand His plan. It is mysterious.
You are a beautiful example of a person faced with a problem who has allowed God to take control, even though you don't understand. I don't think any of us understand. Please continue to stay on your knees at the feet of God knowing that we are there with you, praying on behalf of this miracle baby, whose parents have shown us a glimpse of how to truly turn it over to God!
I love y'all so much! Be well. I'm praying for your continued peace! Julie Gay
Laura-
I read your words, and I am touched by your heart that gives them life. If I could, I would take those words of yours and find a way to paint them on the walls of every NICU in the world, on the walls in every Christian church in the world, and then I would find a way to get them into the hands of every person on the face of the planet.
Your words are so eloquent and so desperately and deliberately right on. For so long similar thoughts have burdened my own heart through my own life circumstances and struggles. And, at the end of the day I am, like you are, left with two certainties...
1. I still do not understand.
and
2. I still believe that somehow my Redeemer is faithful and true.
What an amazing impact your son has already had on so many people. What an amazing impact he has had on you, his family. You are all so very blessed to have each other, and I am blessed to know and love you all.
I will pray tonight for you to feel a calm in your storm and be able to feel yourself and your family resting in the hands of our Creator and Father-experiencing a peace that passes understanding.
Love you all,
TS
Laura - we will continue to pray earnestly for your family. Joe - I can only imagine that God would ask you to pray for this poor soul who only knows how to chastise and judge you. Just as God instructed Job to pray for his "friends" who did the same to him.
de-
amen.
my heart is with you..
ca
I am so thankful for a God who knows our hearts and understands our pain. Just like an earthly father, He is willing to let us express our feelings and look deeper inside to see our faith.
Even Jesus asked "Why?" while on the cross.
We continue to lift you up and pray for God's healing hand on Ira.
Eccl. 11:5 reassures us that we do not know or understand the work of God, the maker of all things.
And yet He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.(Isaiah 40:29)
I don't understand either, Joe and Laura. I'm starting to think I never will! You guys are not alone in your frustrations. You are not alone!!!
I love it! You are real, and a woman after God's own heart.
"The only thing I know to do is trust in your name with all of my heart."
When reading your heart and your soul, which is what you are providing us to see, I see the life of David (Ps.6;13;79;80;84;90;94), and the laments of his struggles and the yells of his pain. And even Habakkuk 1.
It does my heart good to be able to be your friend and brother in this time, to walk in the throne room of God and fall down. Pleading with him, urging him, asking him ... yet as you stated... only trusting in his name, without any understanding to the ways of his plans. Oh God, my God...How Long??????
sbe
And there's the whole book of Lamentations.
(Now I join the reverent silence to grieve the suffering and pray with you for your beautiful child.)
I saw these words on Mike Cope's blog this morning, and thought they might resonate with you. They are written by Jerry Sittser, who lost his wife, daughter and mother in an accident:
"Recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover from broken limbs, not amputations. Catastrophic loss by defnition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past, which is gone forever, only going forward to the future, which has yet to be discovered. Whatever that future is, it will, and must, include the pain of the past with it. Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of those who have suffered a severe loss. If anything, it may keep going deeper. But this depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul."
Laura,
Thank you for being so honest and for revealing such a private part of your suffering with us. God has given you a heart that holds such wisdom amidst such suffering. He created us to feel all emotion, especially when we do not understand. Thank you for being so real. May He numb your pain today with a peace that passes all understanding. And, in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, may Ira be healed.
thanks for your honesty. thanks for sharing your pain. i'm sorry for hurtful comments by some who think they are 'wiser'. in the midst of your pain, i see your journey with God. and that encourages me in my understanding of God. i am praying for your family, though we don't know each other.
--leslie
Laura,
I don't know you or your family, but have kept up with Ira's progress through the blog (learning about Ira through the trials of the Whaley family). All I have to say is AMEN! to your posting. We don't understand...none of us do! But we will keep praying to the Almighty Father!
Dear Laura,
Bless your precious husband for responding to that awful person who wrote about "being bitter". I would like to hit them over the head with a 2x4. Why in world that a person would want to kick someone when they are down is beyond me. It's like telling someone who was just run over by a car that they are just bitter. Ridiculous!
I thought your poem was beautiful; painful and poignant and incredible. I think you and Joe are so wonderful and baby Ira and Sophia are so lucky to have you. I don't know any answers. I don't get any part of suffering, the least, suffering of children. I hate that this is happening.
An old Amy Grant song came to my mind
"There are burdens that I carry everyday,
sometimes they make me want to cry. Helpless feelings harbored deep inside my soul and I find it hard to hold my head up high. In the middle of the darkness in my life, I find the strength to carry on. I am holding to a promise Jesus made, and I know it won't be long 'til we'll be gone.In a while, we'll be gone, and we won't have to cry anymore, no. All our sorrows left behind... that's the day that I am waiting for.. that's the day that I am longing for."
Someday.
Love & prayers,
Karise
Keep the faith...and one day when we meet the Lord we will understand. Until then we must pray and follow the Lords plan. Praying for you and your family.
I will continue by encouraging this well-intention, but severely misguided "Job person" to read Psalm 88. I use "Job person" because this person convientely left his or her name from the post. All the lament psalms end by reaffirming their faith and praise God, but there is no happy ending in Ps 88. Just a sad and dark lament from one of God's people who has a hard time seeing God's faithfulness in the dark.
Laura, your lament and questioning is not a only a incredible testament to your faith, but is also biblical as many others have said. You lament and doubt because you believe. Your strength is supernatural and a incredible example to us all
Even when Ira is completely healed, I will continue to lament with you and Joe over the babies that don't make it out of the NICU.
Love always,
CJE
PS- love you too Joe and thank you for protecting your family with powerful words and not with powerful fists as I think anyone would be tempted to do when one's family is being kicked while their down. It is seems to me that Ira's strength is not unique, but genetic
Laura,
You are such a precious gift to all of us. I was fortunate long ago to be blessed with your friendship. You get to know people pretty well when you travel with them in a van. Because you were older than I was, I looked up to you and still do. For some strange reason that we will never know, you and Joe and Sophia are having to run a race that is in a direction that you did not want to go. For some strange reason, God is letting you experience things that we do not understand. As a labor and delivery nurse, I have oftened questioned God why some things that I have seen and experienced has happened. It is our nature as human beings. I will tell you, the nurses that are taking care of Ira and those families that are around you in the NICU are being ministered to through you. Even when you do not want to do it, you are the type that is concerned about everyone- it is just you. You are a blessing to all those that are around you. Today, Laura, you are being carried in God's hands. He is lifting you up and carrying your spirit. Relax into his peace. Easier said than done in this uncertain time.
Thank you for sharing your uncertainty with us. We know what to pray for with you.
Love through Christ,
Rebecca Leggett
Laura,
You are such a precious gift to all of us. I was fortunate long ago to be blessed with your friendship. You get to know people pretty well when you travel with them in a van. Because you were older than I was, I looked up to you and still do. For some strange reason that we will never know, you and Joe and Sophia are having to run a race that is in a direction that you did not want to go. For some strange reason, God is letting you experience things that we do not understand. As a labor and delivery nurse, I have oftened questioned God why some things that I have seen and experienced has happened. It is our nature as human beings. I will tell you, the nurses that are taking care of Ira and those families that are around you in the NICU are being ministered to through you. Even when you do not want to do it, you are the type that is concerned about everyone- it is just you. You are a blessing to all those that are around you. Today, Laura, you are being carried in God's hands. He is lifting you up and carrying your spirit. Relax into his peace. Easier said than done in this uncertain time.
Thank you for sharing your uncertainty with us. We know what to pray for with you.
Love through Christ,
Rebecca Leggett
Laura,
I agree with the "reverent silence" comments. As you are limited in your understanding, we are limited in our ability to comfort you. We can only stand by you, love you and pray for you and sometimes ask God the same questions as well. In the meantime, I will continue to pray for healing.
Laura,
I really only know you through mutual friends from FCCC in Sugar Land. But from them, I have a good picture of who you are and I applaud you and your faith.
I can tell you that through all our years of infertility I was drawn over and over again to David's writings. I loved that I had the freedom to cry out to God and tell Him how I felt. I loved that a man after God's own heart did not pretend to have it all together or have all the answers. There is nothing I despise more than someone telling you how you should feel and that as a Christian you are never allowed to have doubts. That is bogus. Its ok, as if you need my permission, to think and express these things. As the body of Christ, we can sympathize with you and pray for you. If we were all honest, we would have to say we have been there at some point in our lives. I commend you for your honesty and your precious spirit.
Continuing in prayer,
Lisa C
This comment is in regard to the comment made to the June 5th blog.
by Anonymous (At 9:54 PM)
You may not realize this but your comment came across as very harsh. I would like to encourage you to have the courage to sign your name.
Sincerely,
Sara Ross
Laura, I do not know you but I loved what you wrote. I love your honesty and transparency. I cannot for one moment imagine what you are dealing with. However, speaking as someone who has suffered great loss, I have not only felt but verbalized all those things you wrote. And it doesn't mean I don't trust God and it doesn't mean I am bitter or angry, it simply means I am HUMAN! God bless you and your family, I will be praying for you and your continued strength.
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