Some of you remember singing the devotional song Jesus is My Best Friend or the classic 19th century hymn What a Friend We Have in Jesus. I sang these songs many times with eyes closed and hands raised in adoration. But the truth is, I don’t know Jesus in that kind of way. I don’t know him in the “hey, buddy!” kind of way. So if I’m honest I’ll admit to you that when singing those songs with my eyes closed and hands raised it was as if I was searching for that friendly relationship that seemed so real for others.
But over the years I’ve come to the realization and understanding that friendship is not a good description of my relationship with God…and I’m okay with that.
When I think of my friends here on earth I think of my college buddies with whom I’m still in contact. We met at A&M and had much in common. We all loved sports. We loved to joke around. We didn’t take life too seriously. I was comfortable around them and they me. While we pushed each other it was always done gently never with the intention to hurt the other. And to this day when we all get together as we did the past January these elements of friendship are still at the core of our relationships. As all of us have entered into our thirty-somethings with wives and kids we still talk sports, joke around, take life a little less serious. It’s comfortable. It’s known. It’s easy.
As I read through the Bible, as I read through history and as I continue to live life I find that God is serious. He is serious about his work of redemption in this world. God is serious about me only loving him and no other. He is serious about bringing about his kingdom. And he takes it so seriously that he doesn’t mind pushing me, and pushing me hard! He knows it will hurt and he knows it will cost much and he knows it will be uncomfortable and he knows it will lead into the unknown. But he does it anyway.
So when I think about these elements of God I’m not so sure I want to be his friend. No wonder the prophets of the Old Testament didn’t want their task of prophesying. No wonder the disciples of the New Testament kept getting it wrong. God doesn’t play around.
That’s not to say that God doesn’t want me to clown around or make fake fart noises with my friends. He allows me to play around in that sense but when it comes to his kingdom work here on this earth, he isn’t too interested in who won the NBA championship or whether A&M should hype McNeal as next year’s Heisman.
The questions for me become these: Do I really want to be involved with a God who pushes so hard? Do I really want to follow this God that inevitably will call for my comfort to be made uncomfortable, my ease to be made hard, my known to be made unknown? And finally, should I choose to follow, what language shall I borrow to describe it, to describe my journey with God? Because language of friendship just doesn’t do it for me.
But over the years I’ve come to the realization and understanding that friendship is not a good description of my relationship with God…and I’m okay with that.
When I think of my friends here on earth I think of my college buddies with whom I’m still in contact. We met at A&M and had much in common. We all loved sports. We loved to joke around. We didn’t take life too seriously. I was comfortable around them and they me. While we pushed each other it was always done gently never with the intention to hurt the other. And to this day when we all get together as we did the past January these elements of friendship are still at the core of our relationships. As all of us have entered into our thirty-somethings with wives and kids we still talk sports, joke around, take life a little less serious. It’s comfortable. It’s known. It’s easy.
As I read through the Bible, as I read through history and as I continue to live life I find that God is serious. He is serious about his work of redemption in this world. God is serious about me only loving him and no other. He is serious about bringing about his kingdom. And he takes it so seriously that he doesn’t mind pushing me, and pushing me hard! He knows it will hurt and he knows it will cost much and he knows it will be uncomfortable and he knows it will lead into the unknown. But he does it anyway.
So when I think about these elements of God I’m not so sure I want to be his friend. No wonder the prophets of the Old Testament didn’t want their task of prophesying. No wonder the disciples of the New Testament kept getting it wrong. God doesn’t play around.
That’s not to say that God doesn’t want me to clown around or make fake fart noises with my friends. He allows me to play around in that sense but when it comes to his kingdom work here on this earth, he isn’t too interested in who won the NBA championship or whether A&M should hype McNeal as next year’s Heisman.
The questions for me become these: Do I really want to be involved with a God who pushes so hard? Do I really want to follow this God that inevitably will call for my comfort to be made uncomfortable, my ease to be made hard, my known to be made unknown? And finally, should I choose to follow, what language shall I borrow to describe it, to describe my journey with God? Because language of friendship just doesn’t do it for me.
posted by jch at
1:39 PM
16 Comments:
On a (hopefully) related note, I also have never been comfortable with the parent analogy. Sure, a parent wants to see a child grow and mature and not stay on milk her or his entire life. But what parent would allow a child to suffer (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) when the parent has the ability to stop it? I'm not questioning the whole "why do bad things happen." I'm just saying that I have a tough time with the parent paradigm. Maybe that's why the Bible gives us several snap shots (parent, friend, brother, lover) because none of them can fully capture who He is . . . dunno . . .
hey joe,
i was curious about your post today. i agree that it is difficult to relate to god through the songs you mention. but i don't know that i agree with
where you went with that thought. i think friendship is one of the
strongest metaphors for our relationship with christ.
you suggest that your friendships are "easy", "known", "comfortable" and relatively superficial. whereas you find yourself pushed hard in your relationship with god and asked to do things that make you uncomfortable.
i find that the relationships with my closest friends do push me hard and make unreasonable demands. but in the end this is why these people are my friends--because nothing matches the feeling of walking side-by-side with
someone who knows you so well that you can trust your life and your work with them. i think that's the relationship scripture suggests when we are called as christ's friends. he entrusts us with his work, and shows we can
trust him because of the intimacy of friendship that we have with him. and that intimacy is not superficial or trite, which is why it feels wrong when we sing those songs with our eyes closed and hands up. would you ever act
that way with a true friend? no, it would seem pretty weird.
anyway, that's my two cents. i've been looking forward to getting back to our conversations, but it seems that our circumstances have the best of us these days. hopefully soon.
your friend,
bill
Bill, my friendships with my college buddies are anything but superficial. I traveled all over Asia with these guys taking in extreme poverty and trying to understand what it all meant. They would do anything for me and me for them. But not one of them would ask me to go through what I'm going through with Ira as God is doing. Not one of them would call on me to be in a profession that pays lousy and has the potential to send me to far off places as is the case. I think the use of God/Jesus as friend in Scripture is rare for a reason. The metaphor breaks down as do the others as Richie mentioned in the first comment. I understand our need to find language to communicate our relationship with God but as I said, friendship doesn't do it for me.
I can relate. As a mom when I pray for my children words like, "Father help them to chose to follow you and to live a life of service for your Kingdom"
It often gets stuck in my throat and I hold back. It has been my personal choice to serve and to follow Him that has brought the most pain and loss to my life. Yes, there is joy but I must admit I often feel like I am downing in a sea pain? The only comfort I find is that Jesus was described as a Man of Sorrows. But again as a mom who wants to offer their child as "candidate of Sorrow" much less signup to be one your self. I have to believe it's OK to have these doubts and reservations. After all a walk with Christ is not one to be glossed over or to be taken lightly.
Thanks for your honesty. I think there should be more safe places to doubt and find faith. It's an honor to question with you.
Yours and His,
Maria
Joe,
Thank you for challenging this far too common metaphor for God. God as friend has never been meaningful for me either. Even more bothersome than the hold-hands-with-Jesus songs is the Visual Bible's smiley-Jesus. Can anyone even put their finger on a single passage that is a clear picture of God as friend? Even when the gospels show Jesus as sharing an intimate meal, he exudes a certain authority and seriousness. I'd bet that for every God as friend image, I could show you a God as Mother image. Now why aren't there more Christians that latch on this metaphor?
"latch on"
no pun intended, I'm sure...
I have it on good authority that the pun was indeed not intended. But thanks for bringing to our attention!!!
I've been reading some medieval women mystics this summer, at least partly because I'm curious about people who had such intense, emotional experiences of relationship with God. I've just finished Catherine of Siena (1347-1380), The Dialogue. I've read through this personal and intense conversation between Catherine and God as if I were eavesdropping.
Your language about God "pushing" you reminds me of some of Catherine's descriptions of the journey the soul makes to God. In the middle of the process of the soul coming to love God completely, Catherine tells us that God withdraws "in feeling, but not in grace." The soul feels abandoned by God. Catherine writes, "Here is what she [the soul] does. Though she feels that I [God] have withdrawn into myself, she does not turn back. Rather, she perseveres with humility and remains in the house of self-knowledge. There, with lively faith, she waits for the coming of the Holy Spirit, for me, the flame of love." If the soul perseveres, Catherine tells us, she will reach perfection; when this happens, "I [God] relieve the soul of this lover's game of going and coming back. I call it a 'lover's game' because I go away for love and come back for love--no, not really I, for I am your unchanging and unchangeable God; what goes and comes back is the feeling my love creates in the soul."
If Catherine, who experienced mystical espousal with God, felt God's absence at stages in her spiritual journey, then perhaps the rest of us can hope to eventually gain the assurance of God's intimate and constant presence as well.
But it is worth noting that her only advice to those of us who don't have that is to "persevere."
Joe,
I can't for the life of me think of any place in scripture where God is called our Friend. Our hymnody has friendship with Jesus as a prominent theme, I suppose coming out of John's gospel where Jesus calls the disciples his friends. (Some friends they turn out to be to him!) But I think this is one of those cases where our "second Bible" doesn't serve well sometimes.
I've met some people in my life that seem to display a kind of "friendship-intimacy" with God that is not cheesy or superficial. These have always been older people who have weathered life's storms and persevered through much suffering. But there is a tranquility to these folks that isn't present in the "buddy-buddy" spirituality so prominent these days. I suppose they are closer to Catherine of Sienna and others, having experienced both the presence and absence of God.
Your post made me think of the phrase "it is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the Living God" - the God who pushes us in ways we don't want to go, all little pay and a lousy benefits package!
Being "set apart" - who wants that?
At the very least, your friends continue to walk by your side.
Peace to you,
Chad
I've never had the privilege of meeting you but have been following your blog for some time now. Like others, I check in daily and am moved and inspired by your words and journey. I feel the need to respond to this entry for it directly relates to my church's sermon last week - GOD'S PAIN! "My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?" - psalm 6:3
As stated in Psalm 119:71 - "My troubles turned out all for the best - they forced me to learn from your textbook." That explains for me right there our relationship to God compared to our friendships with buddies... Friends don't have a textbook for us to learn and grow from. God is our teacher and sometimes unfornately he uses pain, great pain as his tool. I don't know of a friend that would use pain purposely to help us; they usually try to rescue us from pain. God is different indeed.
If you find yourself on top of the mountain, the story is not about you. If you find yourself at the very bottom, the story is not about you. It's about Him. Embrace the good and the bad for they both are great teachers for Him. (I totally know that is SOOOO much easier to say than do.)
Reread Psalm 145:9 and James 1:2-4 for a quick bit of reassurance. The Lord loves us all and as the Footprints poem says, he is carrying you through this time, hold on to Him tightly.
Your family is constantly in my prayers. Peace and grace - KM
This discussion is where a deeper understanding of, or more attention to, the doctrine of the Trinity would be helpful. No, God is not our Friend, but yes, Jesus allowed us to know himself in that way, giving us unprecedented access to God by doing so. I confess, there are times when I can hardly talk to God the Father, I am so hurt and angry by the inattention I perceive (rightly or not)... but I find that I can talk to Jesus, cry to Jesus, lean on Jesus, believing that Jesus is that part (?) of God that knows how this feels.
Another interesting thing about this is, not everybody wants to know God/Jesus as a friend... just seems too familiar and don't we, after all, need God to be radically Other and therefore mostly unknowable? There was a Jesus movie a few years ago starring Jeremy Sisto (now on Six Feet Under) as a grinning, joking, friend-ly Jesus. In the movie, his disciples were uncomfortable with this part of the messiah's personality and wanted him to get serious.
Patrt of the lectionary gospel reading this week (Matthew 11:18-19) has Jesus' detractors complaining about his friendship with sinners and tax collectors, calling him a glutton and a drunkard -- essentially, a party boy with disreputable friends. Whenever I hear the "friendship" hymns and songs we sing, I laugh a little inside at the mostly unintentional confession we are making -- Jesus' friends were not exactly who we imagine ourselves to be, were they? [smile]
peace -- Katie
Abraham is called God's friend at least twice - see 2 Chronicles 20.7 and Isaiah 41.8, where God calls him 'my friend'. The kind of speech that Moses and God shared together is compared to that between friends (Ex 33.11). But these references seem to underscore the points made above that this is an exceptional way of understanding our relationship to God. They also raise a questions similar to Joe's question: If Abraham and Moses were God's friends, is this a status I want to have? Look at what friendship with God meant for these guys!
Joe, your post made me think of a passage I had read recently in Walter Brueggemann's Theology of the Old Testament, where he deals with the notion that Christian understanding somehow smooths out the tension, ambiguity, and risk in partnering with Yahweh. He writes:
"If Christians are to think with theological seriousness about the church as the partner of the sovereign, faithful God, then it seems clear that the same thematics pertain to that relationship as pertain to Israel as Yahweh's partner: the same assurances, the same demands, the same costs, and the same surprises. It strikes me that for all the polemics that sustain supersessionism, the truth is that these two communities, because they face the same God, share the same reassuring, demanding life." (pg. 449)
The Bible seems to have a high view of friendship. 'A friend loves at all times' and 'Well meant are the wounds of a friend' are indicative of this. High enough to capture something of the human-divine relationship?
You're right: to be 'friends' with the God who is bent on redeeming and restoring his beloved creation will be demanding and costly. Jesus says, 'You are my friends if you do what I command you.' Ouch. But he also says, in anticipation of his own death. 'Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.'
All of this, for me, argues not for letting go of the idea of friendship with God, but for framing it in the very serious way that you have and refusing to take for granted what a simultaneously costly and precious friendship it is.
Thanks for an honest and thought-provoking post. Praying for Ira and his family. Peace.
god's aim is not to be "friendsy" but unfortunately that is what many of our relationships amount to (as you say). so i have to ask, are you criticizing your human friendships or your relationship to god? in either case, you yourself have to bear part of the responsibility for changing the relationship.
my friends make demands of me that are not far from the demands you suggest that god places on you (whether these are god's demands is another conversation for another time). my friends make my life unbearable at times and take me to places that i would rather not go. but they are friends because they are often willing to go with me.
i'll agree that no human friendship can ultimately compare to our relationship with god, nor can any friend know you as well as god or stretch you in the same ways god does, but i don't think the metaphor breaks down nearly as quickly as you suggest.
i don't think that the use of jesus as a friend is rare. that's one of the primary ways he relates to his disciples. when they live together, they do so as friends, laughing and joking, but also as friends with a purpose. the lord of the rings serves as another excellent exploration of this metaphor and finds that the friendships are sealed because of their common hopes and their common struggles. either example shows that true, deep friendships are difficult, cause us to experience pain and loss, but also bring us joy far beyond our everyday experience. what better could be said of our relationship with christ?
i think that there is a deeper theological question at the root of our difference in opinion--one that we have discussed briefly in the past. it seems that yours and most other comments on your blog take the point of view that god is in firm control of our world. given this view, i agree it is very difficult to understand your present situation and it is also difficult to see god as a friend. it also forces us to split the trinity into separate pieces so that we can understand jesus' relation to his disciples and still think of god the father as the supreme ruler.
there is another point of view, that suggests that god may not be in firm control and that perhaps evil has a lot of power in our world. this point of view puts us much closer to god--at times side-by-side--in opposing the forces of evil. i think this theology makes sense when i look at the world around and try to understand pain and suffering. i think it also makes a lot more sense when we try to understand our own free will.
yes, i have seen satan working in my friends, as christ accused peter. but i've also experienced god in my friends. and i think god greatly intends our friendships to be one of the ways we can understand him--because he himself was a friend of man.
bill
great thoughts Bill...and challenging as well...
I am much older than you and have 4 children of my own and although I can't image your pain, I have known my own. There aren't many people I know that haven't known their own personal hell on earth. Sometimes, though I try, I can't image what "good" could have possibly come from those experiences. I wonder, why? But, I've heard it said, those are the moments in our life that define us. They give us a passion to fight for. Something that gets so deep in our soul, put there from our pain, that we are purposed to fight for it's cause, maybe for a "time", maybe for a lifetime. Someone once said to me, maybe this isn't happening to you because of you, maybe it's happening to you for the sake of someone else. Someone who will be helped in some way because of an opportunity you will have as a result of what you've been through. That brings me to my second thought, you will get through this. It's hard in the midst. So hard, you can't even image life different from the pain you are going through everyday. But, rejoicing will come. Joy returns, that's the faithfulness of God. I can attest to you, as many can join me, in all my trials, pains, and desperate situations, when you hang on, when you can barely, barely continue, God comes through. He will. You will see. When you look back on this experience a year from now, you will see God's faithfulness like a shining bekin. He was there all the time. You will say, God, if I only would have known what you were going to do.. It would have been soo much easier to endure.
I see things similar to Bill. I believe the enemy has his impact on this world. He brings suffering in an attempt to bring us down. His game is to cause us to doubt, and especially get those working for God's kingdom to stop trusting God. You must be an incredible threat to him (our enemy). But, God says, "He's mine, watch what I can Do!"
"Why in the world do you suppose that thinking that God
is in control leads to a seperation of the Trinity?
Jesus was/is/always will be God. There is no
seperation at any point. But because you believe or
assume that Jesus was all chummy with his disciples
(still, there is nothing to back this up) that he
can't be God. I don't follow that logic. There is no
forced split or seperation for believing that God is,
well, God. That would be heresy on the grandest
scale.
Hope you had a good weekend -- Joe"
joe,
i just read my hotmail (see above) and wanted to clarify. i don't think the trinity should be separated at all. i was attempting to re-state what i took to be your point of view based on Katie's comments on the blog.
she unwittingly (i think) separates the trinity by saying "No, God is not our Friend, but yes, Jesus allowed us to know himself in that way" and suggesting that "Jesus is that part (?) of God that knows how this feels"
both of these statements could easily lead one to think that jesus is not entirely the same as god, don't you think?
i was trying to say that it is often easier for us to disassociate jesus from god the father than it is for us to think that god may not be in firm control of our world. this is because we can see jesus as a man and maintain god as sovereign, instead of actually having to think that god himself died and had to do so because he chose not to control his creation. with all that you ask, don't you think that god's sovereignty is questionable?
btw, your sister also seems to think that jesus/god was friends with his disciples and with us, but that WE don't want to know him in that way.
bill
Joe-
I understand where you are coming from...but honestly I have never put much thought into what I compare the Lord to. I guess now that you have me thinking I view my relationship with God very much like the relationship I have with my grandfather (Popaw). My Popaw is someone that I have always looked at in awe. He has always seemed to me so wise. When he speaks you can't help but listen and though you may not understand what he is saying at the moment...the words being spoken have a sound of sincerity,importance,and kindness all at the same time. I guess that's why when i heard him preach at a young age i felt compelled to listen even though I could not comprehend all of what he was saying. He has always had that presence that makes me hesitant to approch him and when doing so to do it quietly and slowly...but when he smiles at me I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me with all of his heart. I don't know if this is how you view your relationship with God...maybe I do because I have such a strong love for my popaw...but I do believe that our love for the Lord should be reverent and respectful. And I also know that even with the great amount of respect I have for my Popaw...no one can hug me like he does...and no one loves us more than God. That's all I need to know.
Michaela C.
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