Who's In and Who's Out?
Why do we itch to define who is in and who is out?
I have a friend who claims that in order to be an authentic New York City resident one had to live in NYC during the 9/11 tragedy. Then and only then, according to my friend, can you regard yourself a true city dweller. He holds it as the trump card over those of us who didn’t actually live here during that time as if to proclaim some sort of superiority. Those of us who are married do it to those in dating relationships – “You guys don’t really know self-sacrifice.” Those of us who are parents do it to those who aren’t – “If you think life is hard now, wait till you have kids.” or “There is no experience on earth that is as mystical and spiritual as having kids.” Those of us with special needs children look at other parents with an air of contempt as if to say, “You’ve got no idea how good you have it.” Underlying these stilted statements is an inherent belief that I’m in and you’re out; that I know and you don’t know; that I get it and you don’t get it. There is, of course, some truth to these systemic separations but we go too far in drawing lines, in creating walls, in fencing in and fencing out.
This desire to define inclusion and exclusion is most often seen and felt in religious circles. In the name of orthodoxy and in fear of not getting it right we quickly rattle off a list of criteria one needs to meet in order to be included. I grew up in a Christian tradition where the list was very rigid and ordered. If one adhered to the order, great, Welcome! However, if one had an experience outside the norm then it was understood that the experience was not authentic.
These days, I’m not so interested in what separates us. I’m not so interested in the differences. I’m not so interested in probing definitions so that we can parse out our paths of discrepancies. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen too much death over the past year that I want to look for what unifies us. Maybe it’s because I’m convicted every morning I wake to Ira that I want to talk about what common ground we stand on rather than how far apart we are. Maybe it’s because as I think about, pray to and come to know God I see in God a radical inclusion that far surpasses what I can imagine.
-
I have a friend who claims that in order to be an authentic New York City resident one had to live in NYC during the 9/11 tragedy. Then and only then, according to my friend, can you regard yourself a true city dweller. He holds it as the trump card over those of us who didn’t actually live here during that time as if to proclaim some sort of superiority. Those of us who are married do it to those in dating relationships – “You guys don’t really know self-sacrifice.” Those of us who are parents do it to those who aren’t – “If you think life is hard now, wait till you have kids.” or “There is no experience on earth that is as mystical and spiritual as having kids.” Those of us with special needs children look at other parents with an air of contempt as if to say, “You’ve got no idea how good you have it.” Underlying these stilted statements is an inherent belief that I’m in and you’re out; that I know and you don’t know; that I get it and you don’t get it. There is, of course, some truth to these systemic separations but we go too far in drawing lines, in creating walls, in fencing in and fencing out.
This desire to define inclusion and exclusion is most often seen and felt in religious circles. In the name of orthodoxy and in fear of not getting it right we quickly rattle off a list of criteria one needs to meet in order to be included. I grew up in a Christian tradition where the list was very rigid and ordered. If one adhered to the order, great, Welcome! However, if one had an experience outside the norm then it was understood that the experience was not authentic.
These days, I’m not so interested in what separates us. I’m not so interested in the differences. I’m not so interested in probing definitions so that we can parse out our paths of discrepancies. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen too much death over the past year that I want to look for what unifies us. Maybe it’s because I’m convicted every morning I wake to Ira that I want to talk about what common ground we stand on rather than how far apart we are. Maybe it’s because as I think about, pray to and come to know God I see in God a radical inclusion that far surpasses what I can imagine.
-
posted by jch at
11:49 AM
6 Comments:
I have noticed this as my kids go through their elementary school yearbook or directory to identify how many kids they know. They also have a fascination with who may be related to us -- a distant cousin, 12 times removed, or whatever. The need to belong sets in very early -- along with the need to have others not belong. The more I understand the Lord the more I understand that all belong. I'm still trying to be sure I live and convey that every day.
This radical inclusion is something I pray for daily, as I watch my son grow...one of the things I loved about our recent trip to NY was just seeing all kinds of people, all trying to make it through a day in this fallen world, and all beloved by God. It was wonderful to walk around and hear at least five different languages being spoken at any given time, to see people from all walks of life, all economic backgrounds...and I hope and pray each day that my son Jack will grow up with a love for all people and a desire to let those rigid guidelines of "who's in and who's out" go...the only thing that can happen when we let those things go is a wonderful realization that our family is now much much bigger...
Rick has been doing a great series on Unity at Richland Hills on Wednesday nights...I think it's on ITunes...it has been very convicting
And yes, I think we actually walked right past your building, because we got off the train at Hoyt/(that other street that was hard to pronounce)...and we walked several blocks right down Hoyt Street...I thought I remembered that street from the Ira Bracelet website, and when I got home I looked it up...it was Monday afternoon, and we actually said a prayer for Ira as we walked down that street...what a blessing that he had just come home! We continue to lift you guys up daily
Great post, Joe.
as one who is radically included...great post Joe!
Good lesson, Joe. Does this one preach? Oh, yes, it does!
Thanks for your uplifting words today. I've just finished reading Donald Miller's "Searching for God Knows What," and he speaks to this same behavior and need for redemption in that book. He uses a great analogy of all people trying function in a lifeboat where we must convince ourselves and others that we are worth staying in and someone else much get out. Then he flips the model to show how Christ would find our lifeboat model ridiculous, because the rules or parameters we set up don't even make sense at the core spiritual level. It's pretty good stuff if you're looking for a good, deep read. I'm sure you're reading time is precious these days with the busy life you keep, but this one's worth it.
I got to share the story of Ira's courage and strength again with new people this week. I love when folks ask about my green bracelet. I love recounting the walk your family is taking and seeing one per person jump right into the need for prayers for his health, strength and your endurance. That's community in action.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home