not feeling it
Do you know that feeling you have when something big like a deadline or a test or an event is just around the corner but you aren't quite prepared? Those days leading up to that something big are heavy days where the weight of the thing can't be seen but can definitely be felt. Those days leading up to the something big seem to drag on so as to make you completely aware of your unpreparedness. As those days drag on there is nothing you can do to get ready or prepare because the weight has you anchored into a state of worthlessness.
That's what I've felt like today as the Lenten season draws near. I'm not prepared for it. I'm feeling particularly selfish these days and have no desire to give anything up whatsoever. And to spend focused time, intentional time with God in the midst of a fast doesn't sound appealing either. I'm just not feeling it.
I've fasted during Lent before. I know that it's good for my soul. I know that in the end it's refreshing. I know that my ministry seems inspired when I partake of this season's opportunities. I know all this but still, I'm just not feeling it.
But if I waited until I was feeling it, if I waited until I was ready to take on the tasks of Lent then I would be waiting for a long time. Giving up something you love and filling that void with intentional time with God is difficult. Digging in and working the Lenten season is no easy undertaking. And so I'll drag myself and the weight of it all into the season on Wednesday hoping that my selfishness and lack of desire can be replaced with an awareness of what God has done for the whole world.
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That's what I've felt like today as the Lenten season draws near. I'm not prepared for it. I'm feeling particularly selfish these days and have no desire to give anything up whatsoever. And to spend focused time, intentional time with God in the midst of a fast doesn't sound appealing either. I'm just not feeling it.
I've fasted during Lent before. I know that it's good for my soul. I know that in the end it's refreshing. I know that my ministry seems inspired when I partake of this season's opportunities. I know all this but still, I'm just not feeling it.
But if I waited until I was feeling it, if I waited until I was ready to take on the tasks of Lent then I would be waiting for a long time. Giving up something you love and filling that void with intentional time with God is difficult. Digging in and working the Lenten season is no easy undertaking. And so I'll drag myself and the weight of it all into the season on Wednesday hoping that my selfishness and lack of desire can be replaced with an awareness of what God has done for the whole world.
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posted by jch at
7:51 PM
3 Comments:
At least you don't have to preach your first children's sermon on Ash Wednesday. I think that should count as Brent's whole Lenten season discipline in one go.
thank you for your transparency with us. it is admirable.
thanks for the post. i feel the same way. this year's fast is meat, tv, chocolate, and pop. i'm not looking forward to it. which i guess gets to the heart of lent. forcing us to look forward, even when we don't want to.
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