a holy kiss?
We were living in Ft. Worth. I was a minister at a small congregation. A new couple started attending the services. She was a native of D/FW and he was originally from Long Island. Laura will never forget the day when he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. He immediately pulled away. His face turned bright red. He said, "Sorry!" and walked away quickly.
The memory is vivid in Laura's head but only because of his awkward reaction. We get a good laugh thinking of our friend turning bright red and scampering away so quickly. What we didn't realize is that he was reverting to what he grew up with - greeting others with kisses on the cheeks.
This is, of course, a northeastern thing. In the south, we hug it out. (Don't you just love Ari?) But up here, it's common to exchange kisses on cheeks. It's taken us a while to get used to that but we're working on it.
I say working on it because it's not as simple as it seems. Some people like to just touch cheeks while going through the motion of kissing. In so doing, one is really just kissing the air while touching cheeks. Some people are very particular about actually kissing the cheek. And most often, the exchange of kisses is all in one motion - as in, you're both kissing each other at the same time. And then there are the people who give you no clue as to whether they are a hand shaking kind of greeter, hug kind of greeter or kiss the cheek kind of greeter. It can get awkward really quickly. As a minister, I play it especially safe. If the one I'm greeting gives me no clues, I opt for the simplest and most non-evasive.
But back to the kiss. I kinda like the practice of it. It definitely steers clear of any sexual overtones but has an intimacy about it that expresses care and concern. And care and concern, in my book, is just downright holy.
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The memory is vivid in Laura's head but only because of his awkward reaction. We get a good laugh thinking of our friend turning bright red and scampering away so quickly. What we didn't realize is that he was reverting to what he grew up with - greeting others with kisses on the cheeks.
This is, of course, a northeastern thing. In the south, we hug it out. (Don't you just love Ari?) But up here, it's common to exchange kisses on cheeks. It's taken us a while to get used to that but we're working on it.
I say working on it because it's not as simple as it seems. Some people like to just touch cheeks while going through the motion of kissing. In so doing, one is really just kissing the air while touching cheeks. Some people are very particular about actually kissing the cheek. And most often, the exchange of kisses is all in one motion - as in, you're both kissing each other at the same time. And then there are the people who give you no clue as to whether they are a hand shaking kind of greeter, hug kind of greeter or kiss the cheek kind of greeter. It can get awkward really quickly. As a minister, I play it especially safe. If the one I'm greeting gives me no clues, I opt for the simplest and most non-evasive.
But back to the kiss. I kinda like the practice of it. It definitely steers clear of any sexual overtones but has an intimacy about it that expresses care and concern. And care and concern, in my book, is just downright holy.
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posted by jch at
12:35 PM
10 Comments:
Born and raised in Tennesee I am use to the hugs. The northeast custom of kissing on the cheek seems so contrary to the culture. I always feel like there is this imaginary bubble around people there that defines their personal space and I am not to invade it. Now,I am disappointed that we did not receive any holy kisses when we visited your group!!!:)
Teresa
This is so timely for me. My small group talked about holy kisses on Sunday night. We agreed that some are uncomfortable with it but that with those with which we are intimate it just seems natural.
Funny. I think the cheek-kissing practice is cool, and sometimes I wish more folks practiced it (seems like only Europeans and celebs cheek-kiss anymore).
I used to work with a guy here in TN who had moved south after living all his life in Brooklyn. Every so often when he greeted me (typically outside of work) he would kiss me on the cheek. The first time he did it it completely caught me off-guard, but I realized soon enough that it was the norm for him. I thought it was sweet.
At the church where I grew up, one of the "greeters" always planted a big, slobbery kiss on both my mom and me as we were walking in. I'm talking a WET kiss on the cheek. He is a very sweet person, but my mom and I would both experience a sense of dread and apprehension as we approached the door on the days that he was greeting. So although I am not opposed (and even enjoy) greeting friends this way, I'm going to have to vote "no" on the general practice simply based on that experience.
I love the kiss on the cheek. I'm not gonna do it to people I'm meeting for the first time, but if I've been hanging out with someone, just as friends, and we've had a great time I'll givem a little kiss. I've even done it to some of my passengers. ;)
I am from Chicago and I definitly have the invisible bubble that defines my personal space. I do not like people kissing me while greeting. I usually do not hug either unless I know the person well enough. I think kissing is intimate - even in this form. I would rather share it with someone I really want to share it with. Like family...
My auntie Ann (rest her soul) use to pull away from even family if they came in for a kiss. Every time I would visit her I could feel her pulling away. But, at the same time she was the most loving person I knew.
Once in Italy I guessed wrong about which cheek a guy from church was going for. Oops.
I still like the idea though.
Souther California was big on the hug and the bigger the hug the better. My family is very expressive of their love and the hug was a big deal in our entire family, except for Uncle Byron and Aunt Janice, who live in Conn. They brought the cheek kiss to the family and I loved it. Once I got to college, I made it a point to show some extra love to the moms of my friends. It was feeling of pride to say that I had kissed their mom. One cheek kiss accident happened when me and this guy's mom both went the same way. Nothing better than a little lip from your buddy's mom. Now the ckeek kiss is reserved for those whom I consider family. My family of course, and then those people that have been a special part of my life; have changed the way I live. They don't deserve the cheek kiss because I an not that good, so I consider it a way to show then honor and respect and a special place in my life. I love those people and so I greet them with a kiss.
Our daughter is a missionary in Mexico - EVERYONE greets you with a kiss on the cheek! It is wonderful! Childredn also and always greet adults as if you are important!!
When we get back to Texas, it's back to hugs and handshakes but do miss those mexican kisses! In Africa, it's a different kind of handshake but no kisses. In Brazil, it's kisses on both cheeks.
~marilyn
I have to admit, I've been known to be one of those northern cheek kissers. The problem is - I myself never know when it's going to happen. The weirdest times I've had the cheek-kiss greeting is from parents of my students - moms are one thing..but seemed weird when the dads were cheek-kissers - and that definitely happened more than once. With some people a cheek kiss seems less intimate than a hug would and vice versa.
I too try to wait on the other person's cues...but sometimes you just never know. People always seem to switch it up. A past hugger may throw in a cheek kiss at some random meeting. When I feel weird about it I always think back to my grandfather who was a burly loud Italian who would greet almost everyone with both a bear hug and a kiss and I figure - well at least I picked one!
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