I asked my wife, Laura, to post something on my blog not long ago. Today she took me up on the request.
--------------------
I yelled at my husband today. I yelled at him in a way I’ve never yelled at anyone before. Where in the world did all that anger come from? When people ask me how I’m doing, I say it depends on the day, but that for the most part I’m doing ok. The truth is, I’m so so very angry. This little boy inside of me is so very active. Every time we go in for a sonogram comments are made on how much he moves around. No duh. I live every day, every hour with his movements. He is so alive inside. And yet, the moment he enters this world he will struggle to survive. In many ways, I don’t want that day to come. Couldn’t he just stay inside where he is happy and all his needs are satisfied? But then, I am getting so big. My body could not carry on like this indefinitely. So, I am faced with the knowledge that the day of his birth is coming. There is nothing Joe nor I can do to postpone it or keep it at arms length. Ira will be born and then we will sit and wait some more. Wait while he fights for his life. Wait while he is filled with tubes and wires and needles. Wait and stand by unable to hold him or touch him or comfort him in any phsyical way besides the use of our voice. This is just not the way its supposed to be for parents and their children. It isn’t fair. And I am angry. The one I feel the most like yelling at is not my husband but God alone. At the time, my husband just happened to be the next best thing. From now on, I will try to go straight to the source.
--------------------
I yelled at my husband today. I yelled at him in a way I’ve never yelled at anyone before. Where in the world did all that anger come from? When people ask me how I’m doing, I say it depends on the day, but that for the most part I’m doing ok. The truth is, I’m so so very angry. This little boy inside of me is so very active. Every time we go in for a sonogram comments are made on how much he moves around. No duh. I live every day, every hour with his movements. He is so alive inside. And yet, the moment he enters this world he will struggle to survive. In many ways, I don’t want that day to come. Couldn’t he just stay inside where he is happy and all his needs are satisfied? But then, I am getting so big. My body could not carry on like this indefinitely. So, I am faced with the knowledge that the day of his birth is coming. There is nothing Joe nor I can do to postpone it or keep it at arms length. Ira will be born and then we will sit and wait some more. Wait while he fights for his life. Wait while he is filled with tubes and wires and needles. Wait and stand by unable to hold him or touch him or comfort him in any phsyical way besides the use of our voice. This is just not the way its supposed to be for parents and their children. It isn’t fair. And I am angry. The one I feel the most like yelling at is not my husband but God alone. At the time, my husband just happened to be the next best thing. From now on, I will try to go straight to the source.
posted by jch at
2:33 PM
5 Comments:
Yell on, Laura (to God that is)! I believe He prefers yelling to silence. Love you guys!
R Fitz
I know the character of your husband, and he can take it. So can the character of God. I am sure you can get weary of the sympathy, but I am truly sorry that you are going through this. It's neither right or fair for this to be happening. We hurt for both of you and will stand by you in the face of a scary future. We love you.
Laura-I've recently nominated you to VP of the GASB (girls against stupid boys) after hearing of your BANDITs days at ACU. You'll get a free t-shirt.
Laura and Joe,
Dad and I love you so much and we don't have any concept of what you are going through! We don't know what to say except to say "we love you" and "God loves you."
Mom/Glo
As one who's come through 2 pregnancies where the lives of my children were hanging in the balance, believe me your faith and attitude have a loud voice over the storm you face. Use the Word of God as a shield for you and a two edged sword for Iras life. Children are a blessing, believe it and speak over your Ira words of faith. Build yourself up for the fight ahead. It's not God who's trying to destroy your son's life. YOu know that. You will be in my prayers.
SLF
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home