a little perspective
I can sense the angst, the confusion, the worry as the person contemplates how they should answer the question that I've asked them. It is a rather simple question, one that's asked of us several times a day but it seems that when I ask it, the recipient immediately finds themselves in a dilemma much worse than that of JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis!
How are you?, I ask. After several seconds of uncomfortable non-verbal communication some version of this answer fills the air around us: Well, life is pretty hard right now but what am I complaining about really? I mean, you guys have it so hard that I have nothing to complain about.
What this person has done from the time I've asked the question until the time s/he answers the question is that they've held up their life situation up against mine as if to see if what they've got going on can, in any way, come close to what I've got going on. In those few short seconds the measurements are calculated.
Okay, Joe's got a sick kid. One point for Joe.
I'm miserable at my job. Half a point for me.
Joe has random people in and out of his home on a daily basis. One point for Joe.
My wife and I are struggling to stay together. One point for me.
And finally the tally is made and out comes, Well, life is pretty hard right not but compared...
We do this all the time don't we? You hold up your life situation against my life situation and you think, "Okay, maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, I hold up my life situation against that of a single mother who has a medically fragile child and doesn't have time to fight the system and I say, "Okay, so maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, she holds up her life situation while cross examining the life of a poor family who lives in the projects who has a special needs child and she thinks, "Okay, maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, that poor family thinks of a third-world family...
Every once in a while, I have to stop and do this. I have to stop and think through other life scenarios and when I do I think to myself, "Okay, Joe, what's good about your current life situation? What are the positives about where you are?" And when I do that, I'm given a little perspective. It DOESN'T mean that my stresses go away or that I should feel guilty for being stressed but it does mean that I recognize the flip side of the coin - that there is good in the midst of the bad. And more importantly going through this exercise of perspective seeking forces me to quit being so self-absorbed...even if it's just for a little while. It forces me to look outside myself and into the world of others and in so doing, I'm challenged to serve and help and advocate for others and ultimately, this is our goal, right? To do unto others...?
-
How are you?, I ask. After several seconds of uncomfortable non-verbal communication some version of this answer fills the air around us: Well, life is pretty hard right now but what am I complaining about really? I mean, you guys have it so hard that I have nothing to complain about.
What this person has done from the time I've asked the question until the time s/he answers the question is that they've held up their life situation up against mine as if to see if what they've got going on can, in any way, come close to what I've got going on. In those few short seconds the measurements are calculated.
Okay, Joe's got a sick kid. One point for Joe.
I'm miserable at my job. Half a point for me.
Joe has random people in and out of his home on a daily basis. One point for Joe.
My wife and I are struggling to stay together. One point for me.
And finally the tally is made and out comes, Well, life is pretty hard right not but compared...
We do this all the time don't we? You hold up your life situation against my life situation and you think, "Okay, maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, I hold up my life situation against that of a single mother who has a medically fragile child and doesn't have time to fight the system and I say, "Okay, so maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, she holds up her life situation while cross examining the life of a poor family who lives in the projects who has a special needs child and she thinks, "Okay, maybe I don't have it so bad." In turn, that poor family thinks of a third-world family...
Every once in a while, I have to stop and do this. I have to stop and think through other life scenarios and when I do I think to myself, "Okay, Joe, what's good about your current life situation? What are the positives about where you are?" And when I do that, I'm given a little perspective. It DOESN'T mean that my stresses go away or that I should feel guilty for being stressed but it does mean that I recognize the flip side of the coin - that there is good in the midst of the bad. And more importantly going through this exercise of perspective seeking forces me to quit being so self-absorbed...even if it's just for a little while. It forces me to look outside myself and into the world of others and in so doing, I'm challenged to serve and help and advocate for others and ultimately, this is our goal, right? To do unto others...?
-
posted by jch at
12:00 PM
5 Comments:
Two thoughts:
Neil Young has a great line that goes "I know my problems are meaningless, but that don't make them go away". Joe Walsh sings "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do". I think this is the reality we struggle in, the tension of having real life problems and need to lament and the understanding that we aren't the only ones with problems and laments.
As to the last part of your post, I think about the fact that what makes mercy and justice what they are is that they're given to everyone. That means that I get a leg up when I need it and I offer one to my neighbor too.
Good post. Thanks.
Son, you are sooooo right on in this blog! Sometimes you are way off....like when you blog about politics or the Yankees or the Aggies! But this time you hit the nail on the head!
Just this past Christmas season I was in a retail store visiting with two lifelong friends. They asked about Ira and I told them about our concerns for him and about his accomplishments. They listened graciously and gladly....and then I remembered that one of the ladies had raised a son who wasn't "NORMAL" and died about a year ago as a young adult....and the other woman has a son your age, Joe, who does not think "NORMALLY" and gets around in a wheelchair and can't go to the bathroom by himself. I felt horribly that I was "crying" for Ira and the fact that his "NORMAL" doesn't seem quite like some other "NORMALS" I know.
I thank God daily for Ira's gusto way of life...and know that God has blessed him with a wonderful mother and daddy and sister who will do anything within their power to make his "normal" do-able. I also ask God to give your family the strength to continue the "race he has for you to run."
Peace and love,
Mom/Gram/Glo
You truly speak for me today Joe. I get this so many times, almost daily. It's why we can find joy in the midst of our suffering; focusing on what God has blessed us with.
Thank you so much.
I'm another one who agrees with you--today. Go Horns! On August 1, 2005, I was sitting on a boat when one of my sisters-in-law noticed there was a problem with my brother in law, who had been pulling a tube of our kids with a SeaDoo. We were too far to see what the problem was, but close enough to figure out it was with a kid. I thought one of the kids had drowned because bil kept diving under water. When we got there we discovered that my almost 15 year old daughter had fallen off the SeaDoo and been pulled by a rope wrapped around her leg. The accident resulted in two weeks in a Michigan hospital, another three weeks in a hospital in Austin, nine "minor" surgeries, one major surgery, missing school for five months, nine months of physical therapy, another major surgery, and a fairly significant deformity. But from the moment I thought one of the kids had drowned I've been grateful for her injury and life. I read a lot of CaringBridge sites and I know we were blessed--in many ways.
Yes, Joe.
These responses are/will be proof that we all do it, no matter the size of the loss. I compared losing my husband and home in a fire the night our son was born to a woman who lost her husband and four children. Didn't lessen my pain or my loss any, but made me see clearly, even through my tears, those blessings I could still count. (I wondered to whom she could compare her loss...)
The point of it all is to still love God.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home