Cool Cat
I used to be cool. I was, I promise. Back in the late '80s and early '90s I had it going on.
I wore overalls with only one strap hooked. When not wearing one-strap overalls I rolled the cuffs of my pants just right. And I occasionally sported round, flip-up glasses like Dwayne Wayne from A Different World.
I new all the words to all the glamour raps and perfected all the dance moves of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. Instead of giving traditional speeches while running for student council offices I rapped my speeches.
It didn't matter that I didn't have a car in high school like most of my friends. I proudly rode around on my Honda Elite motor scooter.
And I played a lot of sports. I broke tradition at my small west Texas high school and quit playing football and focused on basketball. I also played tennis, baseball and ran track.
Yep, I was pretty cool back in the day. Now? Well, not so much. I have resigned to the fact that I'm just not cool and I'm prepping myself for the day when my kids won't want to be seen in public with me.
I'm now a year or two behind what's fashionably cool. If it were, say, 2001 or 2002 the clothes I'm wearing today would be considered cool. It was only recently that I learned that I should not buy XL shirts. That I'm truly a M or L kind of guy. And the winter sweaters I sported the last couple of years are so out of date that they're starting to smell bad.
The only words of songs I know these days are the songs we sing with Sophia. I just learned the full version of Hush Little Baby and was proud of myself.
The car we drive now is hardly fashionable. It's a station wagon for goodness sakes.
And the only sport I play these days is going to the gym and getting on a stationary bike while trying hard to imagine that I'm doing something adventurous only to find when I open my eyes that I haven't moved one inch.
Finally, I know that my days of being cool are over because I keep using the word "cool". Does anyone use that word anymore? Someone save me.
I've pondered my demise and come up with the reason for it: kids. I'm blaming the kids. Can I get an amen?
I wore overalls with only one strap hooked. When not wearing one-strap overalls I rolled the cuffs of my pants just right. And I occasionally sported round, flip-up glasses like Dwayne Wayne from A Different World.
I new all the words to all the glamour raps and perfected all the dance moves of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. Instead of giving traditional speeches while running for student council offices I rapped my speeches.
It didn't matter that I didn't have a car in high school like most of my friends. I proudly rode around on my Honda Elite motor scooter.
And I played a lot of sports. I broke tradition at my small west Texas high school and quit playing football and focused on basketball. I also played tennis, baseball and ran track.
Yep, I was pretty cool back in the day. Now? Well, not so much. I have resigned to the fact that I'm just not cool and I'm prepping myself for the day when my kids won't want to be seen in public with me.
I'm now a year or two behind what's fashionably cool. If it were, say, 2001 or 2002 the clothes I'm wearing today would be considered cool. It was only recently that I learned that I should not buy XL shirts. That I'm truly a M or L kind of guy. And the winter sweaters I sported the last couple of years are so out of date that they're starting to smell bad.
The only words of songs I know these days are the songs we sing with Sophia. I just learned the full version of Hush Little Baby and was proud of myself.
The car we drive now is hardly fashionable. It's a station wagon for goodness sakes.
And the only sport I play these days is going to the gym and getting on a stationary bike while trying hard to imagine that I'm doing something adventurous only to find when I open my eyes that I haven't moved one inch.
Finally, I know that my days of being cool are over because I keep using the word "cool". Does anyone use that word anymore? Someone save me.
I've pondered my demise and come up with the reason for it: kids. I'm blaming the kids. Can I get an amen?
posted by jch at
10:08 AM
14 Comments:
Um...what's my excuse? And oh, horrors, how much less cool am I going to be 6 months from now?
I knew all those "fashionable" diaper bags were just a cruel marketing lie!
amen.
From a mom who used to be cool (in the 70's!). I know, because my 14 & 18 year olds tell me I'm not.
And I wouldn't trade it for 1 minute of anything else.
I got referred to as "middle-aged" recently. I'm recovering from the wound, but I'm pretty sure that reference knocks me out of the cool category (though I don't think I was EVER as cool as you with your one-sided overalls).
Part of my job is to interview kids. I don't even understand what they're saying. Where I live "cool" is evidently now "fly" (but why?) One girl told me she liked coming to school because she got to "see her 'somethin' somethin'" (sounding a little more like "sumpin sumpin"). The conversation later revealed that was her boyfriend. I'm so confused. And evidently WAY not cool, or fly for that matter.
Joe,
Can't you take a little solace in knowing that you have always been, and always will be, cooler than at least one of your big sisters?
And yes, we can blame everything on our kids. It's our only chance, because once they're old enough to analyze things, they'll blame everything on us.
love you and miss you...
Amen, brother, and amen. Boy, can I identify. So much, in fact, that you've inspired my blog entry for the day....
Amen and amen, brother!
Your post inspired today's entry on my blog. Thanks a lot. :)
Jackie, it has always been our job as the older sisters to keep Joe Clyde from knowing how cool we thought he was. It depended on us keeping a united front, I thought. So don't give in! Call him "Joe Clyde" on his blog whenever you can, just to keep him humble... Or maybe you're thinking that this post shows that he's internalized what we've been whispering just loudly enough for him to hear all these years. I think maybe the post is a ruse and he's waiting for someone he respects to confirm that he's not as uncool as he thinks he is. Don't fall for it! Even if it is almost his birthday! peace -- Kate
your post reminds me of the lyrics to a song by Scott Krippayne called, "I'm Not Cool"
he talks about not driving the right kind of car (El Camino) and not being athletic enough and not wearing the right kind of clothes
the chorus is the best part:
I'm not cool and that okay, my God loves me anyway
I'm not cool and that's alright, I'm still precious in his sight
I'm not cool and I don't care how I'm supposed to do my hair
I'm not cool and that okay, my God loves me anyway
I think I may have actually gotten cooler with age. When I was in junior high, I wore my mother's clothes. Yes, they didn't fit me, but I somehow felt this made me look more mature. And when she decided that I needed some of my own clothes, I had a mustard yellow cardigan that I thought matched everything. I wore it almost everyday with a different colored t-shirt and my Girbauds. Super hip, I know.
Overalls with only on side latched brought back visions of Flock of Seagulls.
Amen on the kids thing. And yes, I say "cool" all the time...which I suppose makes me uncool as well.
Should I be embarrassed that I've been singing the wrong words to "Hush Little Baby" for 9 years? Talk about COOL!
Steve Awtry is still cool! The next best thing is grandkids.
A couple of my oldest's friends came over several nights ago. I told the friends at the door my daughter was not feeling well and had already "crashed" (gone to bed). They immediately became concerned that she had been in an actual wreck. I laughed and said sorry - that's 70's speak for going to bed.
You're getting old Joe! It's tough, but reality.
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